On this day she had lunch with Joseph, then went to his apartment, are intimate, came back tired. My work pushed me though the worry of her being safe as she did not communicate that she was until she returned at 7:30pm.
I let it go but went to bed re-evaluating my goals for my life including the type of relationship I want. I was able to say out loud in my mind, that sexual pleasure alone is not enough to bond 2 people if not in alignment or resonance with Life alignment i.e. birth, death, life, destiny Tao.
We have a heated discussion about mothers bringing in children in the world where Lily expresses her anger a them and I accuse her of not being compassionate. It goes south fast and at some point I self dialogue and see that I am defending my mother’s viewpoint. We seem to eventually find resolution and the day goes as usual.
Great fish lunch!!
Later that evening Lily expresses restimulated energy fro the morning and she expresses that she felt personally attacked by my anger. We discuss, it seems to resolve and then I offer for her to learn more about Dialogue and she then expresses insult that I have assumed she is at fault for her feelings.
I maybe I made the mistake of making her feel inferior and wrong in the first place, and then we were back in the loop of disconnect. She wants me to take responsibly for personally attacking her. No matter how much I explain the source of my anger being connected to my mother, she feels I am assuming superiority.
She says that if I were ever to treat like she sees me treat Puela and Eva would leave.
??? Not sure what she see’s defining it as “stronger” over them.
-I am not taking responsibility in favor of developing a communication system such as family Dialogs.
-She wants to leave with a more resonant person.
-She wants to be right.
-She is hurt that I do not and have never had, strong feelings for her as a relationship.
So where do you want this to go?
Ultimately, friendship, that found it’s place in love and compassion without the intimate sexual relationship that, for me, lacks the sexual attraction on my part, and is not aligned with the my life.
Lily is an amazing woman with a very sharp and educated mind, has great artistic ability, and does not feel great comfort in the complexities of relationship preferring to desire simplicity with no drama. She will no doubt be here for January, go to Florida in February, and may not return to live with me.
Do I have live in the luxury of drama?
As you look into the world to find companionship with Man to fulfill the need or needs that you desire for your life, know that he is seeking, also, to fulfill the need (or needs) he desires for his life.
To the degree that his and your vision of how you want to live, love, and grow, in life are in alignment, love, intimacy, and pleasure will continuously expand. Any “misalignment” in your visions and desired or perceived destinies, will eventually erode your connection. By alignment is meant, also, the blending of opposing parts, as well as the congruence of smiler parts.
The morning after-
The phrase that “made it personal for her: “You turn Me Off.”This made it “personal” for her. When I expressed that I di not understand her meaning of “personal”, she concluded that I refused to take responsibility.
My conclusion based on words I looked up (communication, service facsimile)-
She is determined to be RIGHT over going deeper into how we can better our skill and ability to communicate . If I understand it, she will respond with what she calls my “personal attack” when I said “she turned me off”, by now being turned off to me.
She will now determine whether we can live harmoniously as roommates.