relationships

Lily -12-21-23 ARC Break

On this day she had lunch with Joseph, then went to his apartment, are intimate, came back tired. My work pushed me though the worry of her being safe as she did not communicate that she was until she returned at 7:30pm.

I let it go but went to bed re-evaluating my goals for my life including the type of relationship I want. I was able to say out loud in my mind, that sexual pleasure alone is not enough to bond 2 people if not in alignment or resonance with  Life alignment i.e. birth, death, life, destiny Tao.

We have a heated discussion about mothers bringing in children in the world where Lily expresses her anger a them and I accuse her of not being compassionate. It goes south fast and at some point I self dialogue and see that I am defending my mother’s viewpoint. We seem to eventually find resolution  and the day goes as usual.

Great fish lunch!!

Later that evening Lily expresses restimulated  energy fro the morning and she expresses that she felt personally attacked by my anger. We discuss, it seems to resolve  and then I offer for her to learn more about Dialogue and she then expresses insult that I have assumed she is at fault for her feelings.

I maybe I made the mistake of making her feel inferior and wrong in the first place, and then we were back in the loop of disconnect. She wants me to take responsibly for personally attacking her. No matter how much I explain the source of my anger being connected to my mother, she feels I am assuming superiority.

She says that if I were ever to treat like she sees me treat Puela and Eva would leave.
??? Not sure what she see’s defining it as “stronger” over them.

Possible reasons:

-I am not taking responsibility in favor of developing a communication system such as family Dialogs.
-She wants to leave with a more resonant person.

-She wants to be right.

-She is hurt that I do not and have never had, strong feelings for her as a relationship.

So where do you want this to go?
Ultimately, friendship, that found it’s place in love and compassion without the intimate sexual relationship that, for me, lacks the sexual attraction on my part, and is not aligned with the my life.

Lily is an amazing woman with a very sharp and educated mind, has great artistic ability, and does not feel great comfort in the complexities of relationship preferring to desire simplicity with no drama. She will no doubt be here for January, go to Florida in February, and may not return to live with me.

Do I have live in the luxury of drama?

Dear Women,
As you look into the world to find companionship with Man to fulfill the need or needs that you desire for your life, know that he is seeking, also, to fulfill the need (or needs) he desires for his life.

To the degree that his and your vision of how you want to live, love, and grow, in life are in alignment, love, intimacy, and pleasure will continuously expand. Any “misalignment” in your visions and desired or perceived destinies, will eventually erode your connection. By alignment is meant, also, the blending of opposing parts, as well as the congruence of smiler parts.

The morning after-

The phrase that “made it personal for her: “You turn Me Off.”This made it “personal” for her. When I expressed that I di not understand her meaning of “personal”, she concluded that I refused to take responsibility.

My conclusion based on words I looked up (communication, service facsimile)-
She is determined to be RIGHT over going deeper into how we can better our skill and ability to communicate . If I understand it, she will respond with what she calls my “personal attack” when I said “she turned me off”, by now being turned off to me.

She will now determine whether we can live harmoniously as roommates.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Israel in 2017

In 2017, I traveled to Israel with 3 strong incentives-
1. To meet the family and feel the country of my then girlfriend, Hila, to learn more about  whether we might have a child together.
2. To visit he Holy City in Jerusalem and determine there any ever hope that a city where 4 of the Major world religions could be, in any way, a shining light to bring mankind out of the dark, ignorance, and disconnect, that we  currently feel with one another.

3. I love to travel and see new lands and cultures.

I knew that if I were to have a child with Hila, that it would be very likely that she would bring our child to Israel for an undetermined amount of time.

I loved the nomadic spirit of Israel, not at all still and proper, but rather raw and real, so akin to my Latin culture. Though the occasional missiles would fly overhead from Gaza prompting me to immediately remember where the bomb shelter rooms were within the household,  I felt as if everyone had simply accepted it as a way of life and that also sharpened their appreciation of the moment with family and friends. As much as I had grown up in a low income housing with lots of neighborhood bullies and even criminals, my skin was not tough enough to endure the anxiety of family and children born into the existential mentality of the Israeli people. I knew that could never be at peace with my child living in Israel.

My visit to the Holy City in Jerusalem was equally disappointing. Nearly each quadrant that separated the neighborhoods by religion, had armed soldiers to protect their boundaries as well as, I’m sure, the many millions of tourists that pass through every year. Any sense of unity or desire to provide a solution through the commonality of religion seemed to be over shadowed by the need for safety and survival.

As beautiful as Israel was, and I would certainly re-visit, it was no place for me to have a child in or to feel a shining light that would bring the world a step closer toward enlightenment.